More On The Sorry State
of Porno Today
by Kevin Tipple

I recently lamented in this space, the lousy junk being produced by the adult video empires. I complained about the mindless story lines featuring no plot or videos done in the "amateur" type format. I made it clear that I personally prefer the videos that contain actual story lines, plot, and character development. Classics such as If My Mother Only Knew or new ones such as The Witch's Tale come to mind. Good plots, storyline, character development coupled with hot sex prove that it can be done. Writers and development people take note. It can be done.

Instead, the powers that be turn out works that feature stunningly stupid stuff. As I wrote before, some woman pops up on screen (after all those annoying phone sex ads) and says something stunningly stupid as "Hi, my name is Stacy and I just turned 21 and I couldn't wait to make this movie. So, watch me as I get naked with (fill in the name of the actor)." Or some drivel along these lines.

Or you get amazing visual stupidity of another sort. Two favorite examples from a long list. Don't worry; I won't name the offending parties, because besides being incompetent, they have lots of lawyers and money.

One video was particularly glaring with this problem, but I have seen in lots of them. During the throes of passion as the woman moans and groans her way through the scene, I noticed that her mouth was firmly closed. As they messily climaxed, she gave a particular loud yell that was rather amazing because on screen her mouth was firmly closed. Her mouth was not even close to being open, but somebody, somewhere, was moaning her head off. Maybe they picked up the sound from the set in the next room. A major problem in reality and there goes the moment.

Another example was the video I saw where a man driving a van picks up the female hitchhiker. Of course, the lady is question can't wait to service him in the van. (Bear with me-trying to keep it clean, folks!) So, as her head bends toward his lap, we can see from the point of view of the cameraman in the backseat, the truck in front pulling the van along by a towrope. Our driver isn't remotely driving, which on further consideration, might be just as well.

Not only can we see the truck in front, but also through the side mirror we get a view of the chase car behind the van containing a cameraman on each side hanging out the windows. So much for any erotic potential that moment had, not that it had that much realistically to begin with.

Of course, this presupposes you can hear the words or see the action. As a video reviewer, I discover frequently that it is simply impossible to hear or see the video because of unbelievable lousy production values. I can deal with cheap and tacky looking sets as it is expected. Just like I deal with the impossibility that everyone lasts far longer than normal. After all, no one watches these things to gauge their own performance. Sure, you can learn a couple of tricks maybe, or something else to try with the important person in your life, but lasting power isn't one of them.

No matter the video, I do expect to be able to see it and even hear it. Unfortunately, too frequently lately that has not been the case. I have had the extreme pleasure of viewing tapes that had no video, but had sound. I have had the reverse. I have had videos that had neither and in every shade in between. Ones that started out with sound and then faded away about mid way and then the picture went too.

Fortunately for me, I did not have to pay my hard earned money to get these sample review copies. But, I have to wonder at the stupidity of the adult video empires to send out such poor quality tapes for review purposes. Is it because all to often, the review is nothing more than a glorified advertisement for a product? Or is it because they assume that because it is x-rated, they can send out junk and the buying public will snap it up? I don't know what the answer is on that score

I do know that the only long-term answer is to demand quality. Let the empires know that they have failed and you expect better. Demand quality and don't spend money on companies that consistently put out trash. Be an educated consumer and demand quality today. They need us a heck of a lot more than we need them!

©2001 Kevin R. Tipple

In addition to his published reviews and fiction for a variety of publications, Kevin is the e-book review editor for site Peacockblue at http://www.peacockblue.com