Commentary Re: Taste Testing by Judson I was talking with Oceania and she referred to research about the taste of sperm. Although I couldn't find the papers on the web, I can't help but wonder how they did the research. Was it someone's graduate thesis? I can just see going before the board of academic advisors and presenting the idea to them. Or was it done by well known sex researchers like Masters and Johnson. BTW Does Johnson have a Johnson? Where does the term Johnson come from? Magic? Assuming a medical laboratory did the research, someone funded it. Was it The Pew Charitable Trust, The Chubb Group or The Democratic Party?. Did they use volunteers or professionals to determine the taste? There are professional food tasters, beer tasters, even soap tasters. Why not sperm? Assuming there are professional sperm tasters, I'm sure there first requirement is having a refined palate. How do they develop a refined palate? How do they know they have a refined palate? Do they brag about it to their lovers? Kind of like name that meal, "Say I'll bet you had sushi for lunch." And, furthermore, how do they get to be a professional --I know there are plenty of amateurs -- perhaps they spend years in a semenary. What classes do they take …besides anatomy and biology? Home Ec? What would the homework be? How do they turn it in? With a class like that, a teacher would probably be glad to just get an apple. As sperm tasters. what kind of job references do they have?. Would you give a recommendation to someone who was applying to be a sperm taster? Personally I don't know, but I'd certainly like to help give them their start. Being a heterosexual male, I believe it's better to give than receive. Now as a professional, what kind of benefits.do they get? Mouthwash? Dental? Are there any job drawbacks to the job like carpal throat syndrome? What is the career path? In other words, so they get promoted , what's the next step up? Senior Ejaculation Analyst. Executive Vice President in Charge of Cum Tasting Worldwide I wonder. Assuming the research was done using volunteers, What kind of people did they take? Did they take women? Did they take men? Did they take vegetarians? Do vegetarians swallow sperm? They swallow seeds. Your sense of taste diminishes as you grow older. Was there an age limit? Can people with high blood pressure participate if they have to watch their salt intake? I can only imagine what the ad said to recruit volunteers: Research participants needed, No experience necessary, Satisfaction guaranteed. Was there trade jargon worked into the copy like "highly motivated self starter", "front end manager" or "excellent customer service skills required"? Now where do you place the ad …under personals, professional, human resources (when you think about it sperm is a human resource) or positions wanted. Somehow positions wanted sounds like a come-on. So they get the research participants … What were the work conditions? Did they wear a bib? Was it a blind taste test? How did they cleanse the palate between tastings? What did they use to taste with a shot glass. a spoon or straight from the faucet Did they swirl and spit or just swallow? A semen gourmet doesn't swallow, I presume. A critical variable is abstinence time, since variations in abstinence of only 3 days affect sperm concentrations between 50 and 69 %. I gotta wonder who's counting. BTW The average, healthy male releases somewhere between 120 million and 600 million sperm each time he ejaculates". Once again I'll ask who's counting?. Maybe there's a television show here. … something for the Discovery Channel: The Sperm Counters Or how about a Japanese monster movie in which researchers unleash a giant mutant flying sperm: Cumra. Of course, the idea of soldiers using guns and cannons to shoot down a flying sperm would probably have the Catholic Church up in arms. Here's another fact. The average male manufactures an estimated 400,000,000,000 sperm in his lifetime (Gee I should be more tired. Next time the wife wants to know what I'm doing when I'm just lying around watching television,. I'll reply "manufacturing sperm." If she objects I'll say "Oh yeah, How many eggs did you make today?" ) Believe it or not, the counters have determined that men in New York City have unusually high sperm counts. Now why would that be? Attitude, street smarts or the women of New York City? Maybe it's from going in and out of dark underground tunnels all day Anyway, I'm sure the sperm tasting research demanded that the participants be given specific foods and liquids to eat or drink. And since abstinence affects the concentration of sperm which I imagine affects the taste; another question arises: Were the research participants sequestered? If so, did they still get conjugal visits? After a day of tasting sperm, do you still want conjugal visits? Or say the professional semen tasters were allowed to go home every evening. What did they say to their spouses when asked "How was your day?" Yet another factor to consider was the method of collection. Were participants simply given a magazine and a cup or is there some kind of sperm milking machine? And if so, where do you buy one? Whatever the collection method -- I think the professional term is splooge round-up - I'm sure there's an element of fantasy involved. Well, here's another variable to consider. What were they fantasizing about? Would fantasizing about anal sex affect the taste? I'm not sure I'd want to know. Actually, the premise is not as farfetched as it might seem. You know how a sudden rush of fear will release that metallic taste in your mouth. Well that begs the question: Do emotions have anything to do with the taste of sperm. And, if so, is there a happy meal? To be continued.